Oh home. So tame, yet amusing. Here's a few of the most exciting goings on in this lil island town:
Police Reports
4:08 pm The reporting party told officers his neighbor shook his arms at him and told him he would see the reporting party in hell. An investigation revealed no crime.
12:59 pm Officers stopped a vehicle for driving erratically, and the car matched the description of a vehicle said to be driving on the bike path. The driver said she had not been driving on the bike path.
2:15 pm a person reported that a man with dark curly hiar came into a business on N Main St to use the restroom and smeared feces all over.

....Now, understand that a good portion of our residents have scanners. If the call is coming from an area near their home (or sometimes not even) they will head on down to the scene and arrive before the officers do! The crazy part is that I am not exaggerating one bit!_

Virtuous, Less Abrasive April is now in effect, along with less motherly, more inebriated Joanna and Freshly waxed, Bootylicious Michelle.

Since when has Wal-mart done anything in accordance with decency and virtue? Apparently they are trying to shed their white-trash, low class persona. My roommates and I have taken a few pictures which I would hardly call risque. A few bare butts, maybe some nipplage at most. After picking up my pics at the 1 hr photo I was perusing through, skipping to the more randy ones, when I came across a little note. Wal-mart says "Some of these pictures were not developed due to their nature. We did not develop the ones we deemed unsuitable." Screw you, wally world, and your attack of morality.

a man loses his job. his wife convinces him to apply for a janitorial position at the local high school - hey, it's a job - and he concedes. after an interview, the employer states, "you seem to be just what we're looking for. just fill out this application for me. it's just a formality." the man (we'll call him bob) reviews the appllication three times over and says, "i'm sorry, sir, but i can't read or write." the employer considers this and confesses, "i'm sorry then. you at least have to be able to read and write. there are dangerous chemicals around and constant deliveries for which you'd have to sign." bob leaves feeling utterly dejected. fortunately, bob's wife's brother, john, was visiting and calmed bob's fears. john got him started in the dry cleaning business. "all you have to do is match the customer's ticket number to the ones on the rack." bob figured this was easy enough and headed his own business. with time, bob expanded his business and eventually owned 5 dry cleaning services in the greater philadelphia area. he became very wealthy but was also very philantropic. he donated to all kinds of charities and youth services every year. this went on for about two decades when the mayor decided to throw a banquet of appreciation for bob. the big day arrived, everyone was in attendance, and the mayor took the stage. "i would like to show our appreciation - bob, why don't you come up here and read this plaque commemorating your community service." bob walks up to the stage, takes the plaque, and says, "mr. mayor, i'm sorry, but i can't read this plaque. i can't read or write." a consentual gasp flooded the banquet hall and the mayor took a second to gather his bearings. "that's unfortunate, sir. and, with all due respect, can you imagine how much more successful you could have been had you been able to read and write?" "with all due respect," said bob, "if i knew how to read and write, i'd be a janitor." take that!