I am going to start what I should tenatively call The Entourage of Inebriation, an onslaught of raging asshole syndrome. Here are the symptoms: taking off your roommate's clothes , snuggling up to boys you dont even know: , letting your friends take a post-vomiting picture of you , dancing like sweaty banshees , duct-taping yourself to friends and stuffed animals , and finally...the patriotism award goes to....

Glorious! hey Glorious! One keg of beer for the four of us!
Glory be to God that there aren't no more of us
'Cause one of us could drink it all alone, damn near!
-Army Cadence, hahha beleive it or not!

I had the most disturbing dream last night. I dreamt that I found out that I was pregnant...by none other than Brent Riley. You fellow Coupe-city classmates of mine know who I am talking about. For those of you who don't, this kid doesnt exactly have, shall we say, "sex appeal." I haven't thought about that kid in 2 years! How obscure is that?! Then somehow I forgot I was pregnant and binge drank every weekend for 6 months. Suddenly I remembered that I was pregnant and that I really shouldn't be drinking...What an ephiphany!

It was another wonderful last-day-of -classes celebration. Our journey from kappa sig to the air force party and back to kappa sig was a perilous one. Kristin got to be queen asshole for the night. Though we were all at varying levels of enebriation, Kristin out swigged us all. It could have been the backseat guzzels of straight vodka from the bottle or maybe the double shots before that...Scandal bordering on disaster ensued. The ol vodka wiped out a few brains cells because this morning she was making french toast without the toast. She couldn't figure out why it wasn't all big and fluffy-it just looked like eggs!

Frat boys are classy, aren't they? One boy, who shall remain nameless (because I don't remember his name) was outside with us just hangin out. He abruptly asked Jackie (aka Kaile) and I (aka Heidi) if we minded if he peed in the corner of the porch. Wasn't that considerate? But I have discovered that frat boys lack certain coveted skills-like being able to do the "suck it" sign with appropriate enthusiasm. Jackie tell them "no, no, you're not thrusting enough!" She thrusted at a random passer-by to show 'em how it was done.

I realize that by posting this stuff up here, I must be prepared to take criticism. I know this. So bring it! The point of this is to entertain me, Jackie, Suzy and all of my dear friends out there in cuckoo land. If anyone else has anything bad to say, I don't want to hear it. Don't worry, I have learned a little something from all of this that could be used as a life maxim: "Boys with small wangs say mean things." For those of you who think I am a trick ass hoe, that was for you! Take care now, bye bye then!

You lika deh wang? -Jackie, to me

My spanish instructor likes to play a mind game, which I like to call "stump the chump." I had my oral interview and it started out alright-we discussed how old I was and where I'm from. Those are questions that I understand. It quicky escalated into "What are the emotional needs of a typical child?" and "What are the main themes in Catcher in the Rye?" I would have trouble answering these questions in ENGLISH! My mind screams No entiendo! as I deliver a blank stare and pretend he was making a statement instead of asking me a question. Guess who the chump is?! =( meh...I wanted to spontaneously flip his chair over and put his Mormon ass in a choke hold: "Who's the chump now, biiiaaaaaatch?!"