The Week in Summary

I'm starting to resort to my old college coping mechanisms..lots of drinking and if I can get my hands on them..pills. Tramadol is the drug of choice lately, the codine rips my stomach up; I sell to you for good price.

Sarah her bro and I went out to dinner to one of our usual spots tonight.
The waitress brings me a hefe without me even having to ask-she knows what I like. We order dinner, she sees my empty glass and says "antes hefe?" I smile and say "nein, danke" (no thank you) I think my eyes must have said yes because she brought me another one anyway. Haha Even strangers can see how bad I need a fucking beer.


I came dangerously close to crying frustration tears at work. I was screaming and calling my higher "motherfuckers." I went off on one lazy Soldier: "When I tell you to answer the fucking phone you fucking do it. I don't have time for you to be fucking questioning me and whining!" Let's just say he did it. Haha We've got too much going on, it's wigging me out.



ME: Sometimes I wonder if you subconsciously sabotage your relationships when you realize that they aren't "the one" so you won't marry them.or they won't marry you. I know I do that shit. Like we've said before, we're getting to this age where everybody is getting married and having babies. Sometimes I freak and I think that that will never happen for me and I'm not even sure that's what I want. But I feel like I should want it.. I have those moments too where I daydream about myself griping about having to spend Christmas at the in-laws or something like that. I thought we were above convention J!
J: the sabotage is not subconscious. it's a perpetual digging of the exit...not that that really worked with the buttford. speaking of, we're going to an incubus concert wednesday and he tells me today that he broke up with his girlfriend, while also asking whether the hammerstein serves beer ... i'm going to be exhausted!

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I need some serious perspective right now. I think about my life in a civilian context sometimes and realize how insane it is. Like how I'm about to spend 60 days living in a tent with 13 guys (and I"M in charge), while freezing my ass off. Who the fuck does that?!

the "jack shack" which is an area of the tent cordoned off and adequately supplied with porn. We joked about ME suggesting to the guys that we create such an area in our tent and that I'd be utilizing the facility as well. I could not stop laughing.